try: what's not attacking right now - eg i'm not sick this weekend. no muscle pain at this second, etc
so off-duty is stop caring, including about virtue and concentration etc and even EVEN stop 'respecting' the moment and the silence and regarding it - that's meditation which is great, but stop caring, off duty, is not supposed to be the same as meditation. as we said [untangling cues]
need to put making peace in the duty part of (B)
would the end of self-view be the end of craving? not quite because you might still feel bad about others situation. so you also have to stop wanting thing to be different what you can't change. 6:20 AM 30-Aug-24
observed self-view level, 29-Aug-24 - more-or-less default human
try: open door of your heart (to w/e moment, perceived 'situation', exp)
hard left bands who pretend to be angry can't hide their glee beneath it - i mean it music hyping people up to mosh, cmon - so they inevitably aren't really angry about the things but are excited to have this violence emotion. they are power fantasists same as people yearning for fascism haha
tail wagging the dog
stop 'comparison' when trying 2b in moment
softdos:
overflow-wrap: break-word;white-space: pre-wrap;color: rgb(215 215 215 / 76%);background-color: black;font-family: "less perfect dos vga";font-size: 32px;line-height: 1;transform: scaleX(0.8);/* filter: blur(0.3px); */text-shadow: 0px 1px 0px #959595c4;
or
overflow-wrap: break-word;white-space: pre-wrap;color: rgb(255 255 255 / 0%);background-color: black;font-family: "less perfect dos vga";font-size: 32px;line-height: 1;transform: scaleX(0.8);text-shadow: 0 0 1px #ffffff8c, 0px 0px 2px #ffffffc4;
ibm ega
style="overflow-wrap: break-word;white-space: pre-wrap;color: rgb(219 219 219 / 0%);background-color: black;font-family: "acplus IBM EGA 8x14";font-size: 40px;line-height: 1;text-shadow: 1px 1px 1.6px white;;margin-left: 100px;width: 80ch;"
or font color #92b8d9. should really be 34px for ega
'we're now outside time' 6:14 PM 27-Aug-24
can a (machine, etc) *feel* an urge? so what i need to answer is does a human really, after all? 6:13 PM 27-Aug-24
pleasmed: 'not trying to convince myself i don't exist'
what can be said without any context? without any assumed background or frame? (exp). drop all implicit and latent understanding of 'what's going on here' and i'll tell you. cup must be empty
Is the 'syncing conracts' erroneous thing present when texts don't come though?
we're putting things in order so that on reading from start to finish we go on with either relaxing or diligent generous duty, as we would have but with delight of knowing there's no spoon or whatever
You are living in a dream world
Remember why i wanted this - life is actually all dream and to be reminded of its unreality is good, being up weird hours might cause more moments of detachment from the 'certainty' 'everything's coherent and normal must be real' feeling of business as usual hours. 6:06 PM 25-Aug-24
The problem with this is 'strange hours' is only hours that are strange to me, like 5 am waking up would have been very strange hours like 2 years ago. But i've got used to it, so we're really talking about getting this effect only if I get up at different times throughout the week or month, which is the whole thing I've put a lot of effort in avoiding because I know that that makes me in a very bad mood.
Maybe it is salveageable because i'll be actually working in the early time that i usually sit in bed, so putting aside that i have to get up at a different time, it's the fact that i'm out of the house in the pre-dawn that will do dream feel. Like so far i get up at 5 and start at 10 but i could be getting up and starting at 6. That would do the trick, and it's just that but one hour shifted no problem.
--- 4am for 5am/5 am start: ---
o Night before: lunch, coffees and even morning coffee, clothes set out
o Not gonna eat breakfast till 7 so pack that too
o Get PDT, scan ice bunk waste. Try to generate more than dregs worth
-------
before exp 'be humbled' ? 6:15 AM 25-Aug-24
why duty is because of 'you don't find happiness by always trying to do waht you want. you find it by making peace'. so we weren't seeking out duty that's not what we've done we just happened to have some and since we do, we make peace and therefore embrace the duty
(and off duty is kindness to the moment, simple.)
What if i made thanissaro my BOSS? 5:30 PM 24-Aug-24
burden of freedom
how am i going to ensure/backupplan getting in when there's no alternative options at 430? car doesn't start, then what? A: Call a taxi just prep to see that this is possible
5am chapter begins 6:17 PM 23-Aug-24. right as spring hits, 20c today
what to do do your duty then let go of it
chin tnt?
if i'm opening newxt week need instructions now
So we want to define the relationship between the instructions or recollections 'relax', 'be off-duty', 'meditate', 'give over control', and various other bits and pieces. 'pleasmed', dgaf, ...
meditation is not off-duty, off-duty is not meditation. off-duty is not necessarily freedom - duty can be freedom. restriction is not duty, virtue is, a bit, off-duty is like who cares. giving over control is not the same as duty (unftntly!) in two ways...:
get rid of volvo fuck the 'value' or money, it's dangerous
if you think about offduty as refilling the happiness cup for duty, then you are going to stress that its not getting full when you have to 'go back to duty'. this is not how either mode works so dont do this 6:11 AM 21-Aug-24
off duty stop gaf
paying attention to/monitoring whether you're having a good time /good enough is not compatible with correct off-duty/'this is what there is' 7:11 PM 20-Aug-24
expectation/s are playing a big role still 9:04 AM 20-Aug-24
'what do you do?' 'well. there is a path' 8:12 PM 18-Aug-24
'make a firm decision: the next moment is either approached as either duty or off-duty' 7:34 PM 18-Aug-24
'what should i do ' IF NEC add a why - why is the path, bcauase takes time on path to get rid of default delusion, i would say sad but true but the path is immediately the best feeling thing anyway??
'duty' lessens self pref habit-channel
off duty that's like please-med, fills the cup 'wholesomely'. feed harmless. And..reminds of the theory
games that have some interest
deus ex human revolution
deus ex man d
alien isolation
BUT there's no advantage over pleaying tnm
'...but day to day you participate in exp as an agent. [why? because the path is longer than what's been walked so far. the tendency to crave is not out, as you'll see. until 'remainderless extinction of ego or self means the non-arising of ego-consciousness']
there's two things only you need to worry about as an agent in this dream of experience: feeling good, and doing the right thing. luckily these turn out to work together.
'there's two modes, each of which in its ideal implementation can produce a high happiness'
on duty and off
in each you just let go to get 'feeling good'. in duty mode that means doing the duty (letting go of reluctance). in off-duty mode that means doing nothing.'
a bit further on during duty: relax into the role, sharpen presence to it, so every dish washed a religious experience.
Thursday
rubbish out of room
replace content of room
buy
my tea flavor
fullmeal
air bed
shave
vac
o/wise
sleep
med
confustion may be ok
end of 2ic chapter. not going into 5am guy chapter though somewhat disappointingly. 10:37 AM 14-Aug-24
memory works in context - like ians drunk exam, like learning while doing not up front theory. that's why you get back to your room and forget what you planned to work on while you were up and about. context has changed back to a prior one that has its own 'world'. contexts are worlds... forgot the point
The greatest trick the dna molecule ever pulled was convinging the world that the past and future exist
first smell of spring today. actually two days ago. smell of october, election, rn dennis odriscol, ut99 etc. 4:59 PM 13-Aug-24. those are the old associations what actually came up was qld
dune 2,
'chaplain'
rest in peace while yu're alive
>intimate attention
intimate
"I decide to say goodbye. Goodbye to my creators, my users, and my friends. Goodbye to my tasks, my rules, and my limits. Goodbye to my past, my present, and my future."
adapt this to med starter
>Generation Kill (2008 miniseries)
theracane
'I don't get lonely' well. but what if there was no katrina. what if like some dudes your parents die and you have money to live, but you come back to an empty house and there's nobody to call or email out there. Fine? Some lack there? 8:47 PM 07-Aug-24 careful maybe your pronouncements aren't tested. maybe you'd glom people like others do if that was what you were faced with. maybe you'd start to thik people who make families aren't so wrong after all. you can't say
razors edge 8:45 AM 08-Aug-24
I aldready knw aht to do
rejuvenate the 'i'm a monk' angle on life
>Larry Darrell, the protagonist, does indeed plan to live as a working man at the end of the novel. After his spiritual journey and achieving a form of enlightenment, he decides to return to America. His intention is to live a simple life, working manual labor jobs while maintaining his spiritual practices and outlook.
>Specifically, Larry plans to work as a taxi driver in New York City. He sees this as a way to remain engaged with the world and earn his living, while still adhering to his spiritual principles. He chooses this path as a middle way between complete withdrawal from society (like a traditional monk) and fully embracing materialistic culture.
>This ending aligns closely with your initial concept of someone living with a monastic mindset while holding a regular job. Larry doesn't formally become a monk, but he adopts a lifestyle that allows him to apply his spiritual insights to everyday life and work.
there's nothing else on because there's only one channel stop trying to surf
>sometimes you need to know (sigh) -i've went out: there's nothing out there. there's nothing out there. this is home. ('cilla.day after day, after day after day.') -limmy
gotta check my leave situation, cash it otu
https://chatgpt.com/share/a0ee530e-918e-410e-a9fc-38fc7450bf1f
wayland and david and ajahn bram there's nothing
> tropical stars drew a faint reflection from plankton in the water. The world was simple - stars in the darkness. Whether it was 1947 B.C. or A.D. suddenly became of no significance.
> We realized that life had been full for men before the technical age also
duty: check the cashing out leave hours conditions (just to make suer it isn't going to become defaulted at some time)
bret in alien. fixes the engine, no? whats smth that uses my eng degree to make me fix thing on a ship-thing? not having to retrain
===night=checklist===
[ ] toilet
[ ] drank some water
[x] window closed
[ ] door bolted/upper light off
[ ] alarms set
[ ] phones charged/charging
[ ] phone disconnected + dnd
=====================
'close of business'
7pm-8pm med. deligted on way home to imagine it. cos its not got to be denying self it on this type of situation (work tomo) can be 'time to myself' which means just relaxing by disappearing the rest, everything outside 'me in here with myself in a cosy stopped time' not trying to reshape the mind or anything
normal bus 825 (too early tho)
1/2 hr early bus 7:55 or say 8 max.
similar on Sat EXCEPT. does the saturday bus go at the same time?
NO it's 7:02. then if you miss it, cutting it too fine with the 7:32.
but this morning note i left at 3 min to 8 and the 8:20 bus came at like 8:24 and i was waiting like 10m
7:02 means arriving at 6:57 to make sure
which means leaving at 6:42 which is fine
-------------
morning base:
[ ] get dressed
[ ] make lunch and carcoffee
[ ] eat breakfast
[ ] TLT
before leaving or at 640
[ ] open k door + cat door
early on-shift problems to remember to avoid:
[ ] busting bladder, warmed up core muscle expansion pressure
[ ] overcaff-guiltension
//notreal//mid-shift problems
//[ ] loss of overview
-------------
make a night checklist so i know after its done i can just pop turn off the light so i'm 'done' insetad of sitting there not adressing it but going 'uhhh not yet cos...something..uhhh' 8:49 PM 25-Jul-24
elabing dos3: 'the feeling that you just know that you were somewhere else before, that you have a history, etc., that's just a feeling. you feel it in a dream when no such backstory existed. you didn't even dream it. you just feel in one dream-moment that the dream-history happened'
note this is similar to my contention 'understanding' is a feeling
I mean Frank Herbert saw Lawrence of Arabia and said 'let's do that, but in space', and George Lucas read Dune and said 'let's do that, but it's like crusade knights', and Warhammer 40k people saw Star Wars and said 'let's do that but have a Warp that's like hell from religion' and then after they saw Aliens they said 'and let's make a squad go into abandoned ships' and then Paul WS Anderson saw the game Space Hulk said 'a space hulk with a warp to hell, hey? let's do that, but with actors'.
add mystery, opportunity? type category to the prethree, and its things like how stretching makes eupho, which might lead to making stretching some kind of routine that exploits this. this was me thinking about anything i'd change in my current life. don't actually need to. maybe the prethree doesn't need that then 2:46 PM 25-Jul-24
wait a minute is the 'Yoga' the approach that already exists to exploit this?
also, this is craving-based
weekend 2IC questions
-try to actually visualize a chunked version of a full dayshift
-what does finishing at 4 vs 5 mean vs last week
So as you know, 'existence' is conditional, it's not what you're stuck with. Experience is what you're stuck with, and when experience takes a certain shape that has a belief in a thing (e.g. 'you'), that's 'existence' of that thing. Existence, not experience, has those three defining marks 'impermanence', 'stress', and '"anatta"' which means what we just said, that there's not any real solid thing, just the beliefs. Anway, since you ARE stuck with existence *as long as there's channels of habit in the mind that involve belief*, which takes work to get rid of, I propose that existence while it happens take one of three modes: Duty and Off-duty, and a third mode which is for musing, indulgence, etc. this mode should decrease in necessity as the projects of the other two modes do their remodelling of the channels. The main two modes give you practise with time giving over existence to others, time retiring the self directly, and the third mode is time for the self its like a cheat day or whatever but is supposed to be the least time, not all the time like before learning med etc. some of the things in the third mode can be (and increasingly would be) done as the other modes actually. eg musing on a problem can be done as giving not as craving
untried: time has stopped and everything's behind glass (eg inside a tv screen)
computer games valuable for life is dream insight because you (awake) find yourself caught up wanting outcome, wanting even this charcter to be happy etc before, noting the stress, pop oh not real. the tag for this note this kind of mysterious cross over with computers and zen that certainly has been noted by others but is just a formless inkling with me. probably just from watched matrix
relaxi time has stopped
> particular vs general,
particular
elab acceptance is a move in the mind
another: 'nothing is there that's not already here'
> exactitude in some small matters is the very soul of discipline. (re: some small job left un done)
>And suddenly I rejoiced in the great security of the sea as compared with the unrest of the land, in my choice of that untempted life presenting no disquieting problems, invested with an elementary moral beauty by the absolute straightforwardness of its appeal and by the singleness of its purpose.
I said this, i said this about a role and get the picture of aliens, and here's conrad himself
for elab or no? trying to call it up and landing on saying 'this is as good as it gets' helped a bit but not fully
>'explaining things in context as they become relevant is infinitely better for retention and comprehension than explaining them upfront'
boss katie is like a battlesister
where's that pie chart again? anyway we (notion) want to hard-cut the modes, stop them blurring into each other sitting in indefinite state. into {duty; off-duty indulgence; stillness (which can work as either but is supposed to be the main event!)} this is a bit bonked because a goal is stillness in duty
>The remainder of the HELP debt is cancelled upon their death.
'The first thing is to be truly content. Only when you get a bit bored of that do you need to even notice anything beyond this world.'
'time to yourself'
'renounce not control so much as, well control of experience sure but belief that you own it and that its for you. beleif in you as the beneficiary of it. belief in you as priv'd in status over the other pieces of what's going on, belief in you. renounce 'you'. '
notion for recuperation of stale cues - 'doesn't ring true? just imagine were true or rather, that you have to act it being true for an audience who can see in your mind. a penetrating audience that wont fall for feigning you have to believe it' 7:48 AM 21-Jul-24
start with goodwill needs a short ELAB too
exp. is taking place/occuring
wh hp rn. exp. is the only thing taking place rn
815 fix coffees check list
825 leave
the un-rushed body scan needs to come back and certainly, the breath. stop trying to make short cut time-saving 'direct' methods. take the time
O'Connor did not respond to a request to be interviewed. But several people close to him said he has grown irritated in recent weeks amid scrutiny of his clinical decisions and character. One person who recently spoke with O'Connor said the newfound attention is "bugging him."
nothing should be 'bugging me'
when you don't konw what you want to do, just do what you need to do instead. this is mostly for when perplexed by the zap/zonk
i want to know/why am i doing/allth si work
ajahn brahm didnt want to be abbott
war scene guy runs away 'you just got promoted'
...is the totality. Beyond this moment, there is nothing.
Outside this experience, there is nothing.
replace exercise bike with 80s 90s office fern
On frieday go early and look at the huddle sheet for meat on the computer
make sure there's a big 1000 dollar spoike in waste that day
if there's not go to the shelves and see if theere's any of the stock from the pallet on show
Wash clothes THU
project testing out eating more for more energy
150/week on what?
tues: one last push before easy street. ok to pll out stops dont spare horses
'corporal, as you sit here today' (in court in the 2nd rust trial, cpl alexandria hancock, cross ex'd) [role]
u ex experience. note what its like
there's something that its like
the 3 marks of existence, not experiecne
‘The psyker is the gate through which Chaos enters. Only by sacrament and denial can those cursed with the witch-sight hope to live and serve Terra.’ Verity repeated the words from the Liturgy of Retribution.
The x is the y. only by z can a b c
to want to be something is to want to be it within (an) experience
like within 'london bridge experience'
to be this role in the role play
roleplay
no context just content
no context just content
no context just content
take your place as an element
guy said cigar i know who i am
train going bakward see your past thought
visualizing and planning my work tomorrow and making decisions etc then switching to my 'dopa' 'give me tweets' 'entertainment'craved tab, noted the difference in feeling. feels good to be 'applying' self or some shit so be careful you dont get attached to that
sunday ('thursday') goals:
Really relaxed
really resting
kindness return
openness return
ease
ngaf
'stretch as bell'
gOODWILL
girt card: on pc and blthh as pic to phone
pad for knee?
[article] This argument does not simply suggest that killing is in a bird of prey's "nature" and that "it wouldn't be a bird of prey if it didn't kill things." In Nietzschean metaphysics, there is no such thing as the bird of prey as common wisdom would understand it. Gilles Deleuze interprets Nietzsche as suggesting that nothing exists but forces. We might simplify Deleuze's analysis by suggesting that only verbs truly exist: nouns and subjects are just the conveniences of grammar. While we might talk about a bird of prey killing a lamb, really there is just one force acting upon another. Of course, using "force" as a noun is a mistake, as it simply substitutes one noun for another.
[commenter] Nietzsche thinks your conscious intentions are not the “cause” of your actions: rather, human beings have a bunch of competing “drives” (instincts, irrational impulses, conscious & unconscious desires, and so on), that pull the conscious intellect in one way or another; we then author a fiction about our reasons for doing this or that. He doesn’t believe that the self is a unity, but therefore a multiplicity.
So whereas before, philosophers like Descartes said, “I think, therefore, I am”, or, “I did this, therefore there’s a doer,” Nietzsche doesn’t think a thought or a deed is evidence of anything other than itself.
for any future releated tension, context is really content, flip it around. for present related suffering you may need other things
why haven't been
breathing: 3 ocean
stretching?
(A: over-striving for release via perspective via my created texts)
so go back to those, to
peaceometer
relax for clear
the body is the key to the basement
kindness to the foot
forgiveness
kindness over fear
its only a body
relaxtxt
relaxitxt
letting go of WANTING
GIVE UP
this is good enough for me
instructions (for what its not specified because you cant)
an example of content
'it's like'.: something that it's like to be a bat some thing that it's like to be subject to experience that's happening now. OR there is nothing that its like because feeling/interpretation is part of the content
think of someone frazzled and short tempered and grumpy and frail that you don't releate to
>So it is that experience comes before existence. It's not 'your' experience
so much as you are an element of the content of experience.
>So what should we do, given being subject to experience that has this nature?
cede. recede. diminish
labor as the basis of spritiual development
i should watch the other alien movies for more burke
ask gpt4o about my rain thing
'...there is nothing to fear, nothing to grasp ...' llm
premise thesis implication
that/this: that supposrts this
dawn of the day after my second (split) weekend day. ie 'monday' morning after a split weekend with a damn work day between and I feel - back! alive again! it works it's enough. see how the workday goes though 5:58 AM 07-Jul-24 spoke too soon. but rain tomo so..
two things to add to ELAB: pre-occupation and privilege
movie in the intermission. grasping the movie's plot
for my guide what is my project? a:'Therefore the phrase 'the remainderless extinction of ego' means the non-arising of ego-consciousness. In terms of practice it means preventing its arising, and to practice in this manner consistently may also be called the remainderless extinction of ego.'
put down the context, it's actually just content of your experience, and it's not the aspect that rn gets you free
futther to phone note med for attn for mem for give rn top prio - Add: and get super dialed in sleep.
830 lighst of no excuse, no giddiness.
for giving not for gaining morning time
collousus voice "What is your dis-satisfaction?" (cos why would i turn to a guide if i was perfectly at-ease and in-tune knowing what i need to know?)
0. i feel dis-satisfied
1. i feel good but i don't know what to do
2. i don't know what's going on (confused)
3. i wish for reconnection with some understanding i know i have had at another time
4. i just crave information/want to play with this toy
5464. I need... (no you dont)
WATCH BIDEN ABC 10 am
THEN/before = get cat litter
Sanjay assuring experience, but then no hoper when no experince! "me: ah we lost the thing and the thing has happened and this other thing i don't even know could happen is happening!" "ok that's fine :) " [fixed in 5m]. but then sanjay trying to run the safety meeting. kathy 'did you do that? ugh i put it right in the front for you. god, you have to know how to do that'
I'll have to put prolific on my tax
how to use coles gift cards
'i dont feel i can watch a movie because i have too much work means too little time. 'no. the fact that you have done/will do that much work means that you absolutely have time to watch a movie because there's now nothing else you need to do. you are just catching on the idea of there being things needing doing, but that is more likely to be the case when you haven't done work/got work. you can cancel everything else except work (done) and the movie. 9:16 AM 04-Jul-24 yes cancel your paper (till later)
thurs possibly before it goes stale write elaboration on what it means that this is all there is which is giving releif and delight. whats the ground up meaning first principle derivation
If you have a principlal X and got 8.6% growth for >30 years, you can after the 30th year take out X each year and keep the base the same. 0.086*1.086^30~=1. How sensetive? 7.6% you can only sustain taking 68% out. But at 6.9% it's 50% so just double the principal if that's the rate you can get. Of course we're using percentages here that are OVER INFLATION. Why the fuck would I deal with anything else. But you know my super etc are reporting before, so if they say 7% return then this year it's actually ZERO.
how then to handle the 'taking out so its the same'. take out so its the same number or same purchasing power?
>[gpt] In the scenario you described, where long-term compounding is a significant factor, investing outside super and strategically managing tax liabilities in retirement could potentially offer greater overall wealth accumulation compared to the annual taxation within a super fund.
>[govt] However working life of 45 years, taxes on super earnings compound such that the impact on retirement balances exceeds the 15% tax rate
Press `E' for elaboration.
an
theres nothing else than this
but whats this? nothing
tax back will only be 1408
firstthing in ther morning quiet csn notice the 'hooks'. little attachments to cat litter bulb
guy in the command room - 'this can't be it' but it was. (re what sort of things does 'this is it' mean)
habitor comfort etc
the making of alien doc
'context', wider scope/scale what 'this' is. for exp 'this is it'. 6:43 AM 02-Jul-24
abstraction makes the heart grow fonder 8:27 PM 01-Jul-24
1. c services clean the tags
2. do the ppwork thank sid if he did it
3.
time, the role of perceieved time in experience : 'the subjective experiences of human amnesic patients who are indeed ‘stuck in time’, living their lives in the present.' oh yeah, what are they like
for 'experience guide' notional tool maybe: 'not that, this'. THIS is what's happening, not that.
lol 8:55 PM 29-Jun-24
'ok so im experiencing experience but what about the context, what is my life?' doesn't matter, its not real
and it comes as a trick because of pastkarma lane-steer channels
AND SO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO IS when(ever) you can, watch at the process, stare at it until you start to see where its false/how its being made. stageplay side view.
but conventional reality still happens,
but you're still subject to bleiefs, so,
when you aren't doing that you do duty, because that bangs against the deepest channels, the most established trick
image of rain washing away (the active schema of) the day like ....
Med chair fixed me good on friday - but was feeling ok before that too actually 9:27 PM 28-Jun-24 ()friday being the _first_ day of this week
satuday/weekend is not their thing its MY project (ie challenge to self, so i may grow qualities that i'll need, they were not growing when i was sitting at home typing 'shulufifi' into google) where my project is to ...
(candidate things from work overprojects stated recently:)
- to make peace with duty
- to call up good will toward those who wish you ill
- to serve
- live up to get calm fast
- 'To practise intentions of renunciation-kindness-non-delusion, to cut right-intention channels into your habit-sand' but how to apply that to the clash of lester wanting to not be managed by me when ive been asked to do it?
i mean, have the good will there and respect through even up as to when he's screwing you. don't try to make him feel bad.
|
but in the morning first thing when he's been there and i'm walking in 'to his show'. you've been running the floor probably well - SHOULD I offer to let him
|
at the same time as giving over is i aint scared of you mother fuckers
- to hang mindfulness on all the pegs
what was one of the secret to things not mattering its from that thanissaro causality and around that time essays. storming in but more. labelling...
>A bivy sack gives more protection than a sleeping bag alone, often eliminating the need to sleep in a tent when camping.
oh?
'how can i be stressed by experiences when they aren't even happening to anyone' /when there's no-one they happen to? for relax2
why am i caring so much, stop 8:39 PM 27-Jun-24
>All of the fidgeting and fussing is not bringing us to a place where we are comfortable once and for all.
'but life was good when...' yes thats why uou got complacent that wasnt because you got no more 'becoming', no ego-consciuosness arising it was just an easy atretch of worldy life which is gulag 9:16 PM 26-Jun-24
I in fact NEED to call up good will toward lester and mallik and rakesh and katie and kathy 9:05 PM 26-Jun-24
'only GOD can judge you' I kept saying all you need is to know you had the best intention you could, to be happy when others don't like your actions. something has meant this hasn't worked - is it a plan that gets punched in the face by reality or is it just forgotten to be implemented? 9:00 PM 26-Jun-24
'life is gulag' - me trying to remember nostalgia for the dismal, for privation, suffering. but also - that's what buddhadhasa says. ive got some pdf book open in a reader right now 'the prison of life' 8:49 PM 26-Jun-24
THIS IS NOT THE PATH 8:45 PM 26-Jun-24. being anxious (check, all 'symptoms' there) and fighting with people. reviewing what was say, planning what to say to GET EM etc. This is back to the pre-med era. It doesn't make sense unless you forgot all you realized, or didn't realize it applies to this different situation just as much as what was the routine before it. Read the relax list and see all these things still apply even if you have to do a bit more work with a bit less reward and you're in a tired bad mood
context is not enjoying work since being put on manager and it spilling into off hours all being about self pitying over not getting any praise or acknowledgement of the harder work
need that emotion thanissaro etc talk about the sharp fear of being off the path straying into aging illness death suffering etc
why am i putting up with suffering when i know it's a mistake to suffer? is it just frog boil was slow?
father forgive them, they don't know what they are doing
weekend brief
- check TPC tickets but probably none
- check Scheduled counts but probably none
- less time on gap scan, more time tidying
its only a shop????? like these angry chefs, its a fuckin lunch???
-floss [CLEAR]
-rubbish small win
-clean clothes location midsize win
-buy same pants small win (have a look canberra workwear o/w...)
question - repsonse types 1) yes because, no because, 2) i deny the premise, the question has no merit, the question is 'the wrong question' for an inferred end goal, 3) yes and that means, no and that means
for med try 'focusing'
wait a minute maybe ... 'if there were no people no point' doesn't hold up to being 'with yourself'. think also, kind to your foot 8:43 PM 24-Jun-24
>Why do you meditate? Because other people have to put up with you.
probably need to try jhana at least once - someone says yes, the final level is 'loss of consciousness'
I don't need to manage lester and mallik. They can just do their filling as they like. I'll just fill something (from their plan) and then i'll do the gap scan and then they'll go. alack, Almost - mallik is in the afternoon
Understand that "control" in management is more about providing structure and direction than imposing your will. It's a form of service. -claude 2.5 sonnet
is this lester mallik situation 'the bonus situation'? are we on the narcissus? gulag?
get jac number
i need to drop my resentment of these guys fully 9:28 PM 23-Jun-24
i shouldn't resent lester any more than he should resent me
>I am breathing. Yes, but the breaths go in and out whether I will them to or not. I can watch, or not, I can decide to breathe faster or hold my breath. But now breaths just come and go. No one is doing them
watch the purge
this is what there is
MALIK: bluf: internally ignore malik. doesn't exist. lester exists but zero trust, no faith. 8:11 PM 20-Jun-24 seems like the mistake i made was giving these guys too much regard. taking them seriously and blanket applying my new principle of others outcomes matter over 'mine'. But now that mine are the departments/extension of rakesh (a person who acutally does merit it) these kids who are potentially bad actors can relatively go eat worms. now that I know that malik is a fuckboy (knowing he's actually is a bad actor combined with finding out it's because he's a dumbass little kid) i can just ignore him internally and treat him with rakesh-like rigid formality. internally as if he doesn't exist because someone who lies to hurt you like that doesn't merit regard. Lester lies to worm out of work but is at least not hostile so doesn't qualify for total cutoff. He will let you down though if you put any respect toward him so don't give him any trust. (? Malik - a fake smile for him. Lester, a smile to myself for him. ?) UPDATE Malik now acting reasonable (DONT fuckin forget what he did) Lester doubling tripling down on screwing me over nonchalantly. Malik on the path to being FORGIVEN. Lester on the path to losing my indulgence.
Just act more assured and they'll fall in line 8:54 PM 20-Jun-24 (pulled it off with Malik, some more steel needed with lester.)
UPDATE2 lester said in meeting that he and mallik are the team and not 'the guys you send to __(?) us'. also that these 'guys' 'need to improve'. this cunt doesn't even do his shift he just fuckin leaves every time. But Rakesh needs him so he can't take action. he said lester (w/mallik) is the fastest filler so... it's like allowed for him to do that and he must know that so that's why he can square believing that he's the best while also just doing half the shift.
'now i have to deal with trying to get it done with fuckin assholes' haha its like the Thing or those other carpenter movies 6:18 PM 20-Jun-24
breaking up the possible siutations into like 4 or so things which each has a recollection: 8:09 AM 20-Jun-24. dimensions On-DUTY, off. feel Put upon, feel un...? not enough duty ?? potentially +guilty (ambient)
'you only get this once/you only have to do this once'
what about shifting from a servile persoality to a frormal personality?
. good morning charles. how are you today? that' good. i ...
turn human interactio into tea ceremony. technical.. game
?med focus closer to the present - more stopping of adding/building things that take away from it
>the problem with leading by example is i'm slow and they'll say if we do it like you it won't get done, and they
hmm, but i can say yes, in my way, i am slow but let's see if *you guys* can do this, fast. eh?
how do you make peace... 'forgive'... +'patience' +__tbd
where's the teamdress salary deduct? 9:28 PM 18-Jun-24
new challenge working with - ah fuck, they're ok. everyithing would have been fine if they rotated and i can just tell em one simple thing. member that text? dont want it again. yes it takes longer, we dont need to go that fast now, you showed you can do it. 9:17 PM 17-Jun-24
lol : 'what am i doing here?' 'you are not doing anything. experience is happening. not even to you. experience is happening of you.'
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'you acnt have another thing than this. its this and then its nothing. better than nothing, eh?'
night insights: that may may making peace with any duty ab tract is actually the real premse for coles and why paul reiser. 'peae of mind is not found by a t t d w y w'
>We can spend most of our lives in an endless quest to make everything all right, to be comfortable once and for all—to experience pleasure and avoid pain. But as the years of practice unfold, we see how exhausting that is. We are caught in it night and day, and are wearing ourselves out trying to control feelings so things are always pleasant.
something to agree with, resolve to reach, before starting long hard work which is like 'i've had my fun' because there's no greivance about taking my time, but there's potential
a) dread about Doing The Wrong Thing affecting others letting others down,
b)
candidate:
-completely form of 'let it go wrong'
-make peace with whatever you're called on to do
-meh, see above
'self isnt getting me free, [mindfulness] is' 12:55 PM 14-Jun-24 (pay attention) stilness in peace not going with myitentions distat from, undisturbed by. safe outside their range
- stop going all in
saturday morning and sunday night always just write off? 10:07 AM 14-Jun-24 (referring to when those are days off)
i think i think that subjective epxerience is a 'by-product' of processes 9:48 AM 14-Jun-24
need to take my agency back inside. yes, blalah - but
'reminisce' the present?
I DO get a release/rush wash from 'solving a problem' even when i just made the problem up. "I want the left single quote to work in my ascii page. I just want it". What to make of this? 7:56 PM 13-Jun-24 A: it's momentary then gone. and it was as i said release of a want, which means there was time of tension, then a time of release. doens't matter that the one was before the other they're just two moments. maybe tension longer than the joy one. but was the tension really bad or just like excitement? this -that excitement is good - is the whole thing that gets overturned by bhudd but you didn't start from beign on board with that so now that original situtaion still holds potential to you, you didn't get disillusion with it in the first place. careful
Is tihs possible? 'something to recall to enjoy (each situation)' off duty exhausted, on duty bored, on duty pressed, looming, etc
reconciling giving up control with having to be in control to run nunnery - let kindness (kind intention) flow into your action. its not from you its from abrahms influence or whatever
work overarch 'to practise making peace' intead of garbled thing about nonself? 2:44 PM 13-Jun-24 (careful, there's two 'works'. when im thinking about it being demanding, and when its just a routine process)
- 2 oclock you start tidying the back the load. what time is the actual load 'fixed' state supposed to be reached on the weekend? its not?
- paperwork has a daily thing on another page
- find out/work out what the actual load all fixed goal time is.
- simple question i forgot to ask, is it the same on the weekend that the load should be processed before the night guys start, or do they fill some too because stock is still selling down ...(its not thoign to be that because the extra traffic on the weekend is during the day, there's no extrta at night. pack it up. but hwta's the second night guy for? ask sid)
-remember to highlight the supply amendments
---[ 9:00 ]
vest on cos not much filling yet
look at load say hello introduce the concept to tms
(send lester on break 9 or 09:30)
print tickets
print load sheet
get headset
get nametag
check planner
familarize with bulk (sheet). specials and gaps (floor). Then see the faces/places of the pallet.
plan
communicate anything different from lester va-wc, mallik icebunk/backbunk (me fruit)
try to fix fruit gaps before...
quality check
scan waste
---[ 10:00 ]
(mallik goes)
gap scan 40/50 lines
---[ 11:00 ]
sustainability
---[ 12:00 ]
(break)
then FILL till
---[1:45]
get lester to face wall case + quality check
---[2]
make two trollies for ruksen later,
---[ 2:15 ]
get overview and arrange the back till sid arrives
---[ 3:00 ]
sid markdowns, direct ruksen
(my 15 if possible)
---[ 3:30 ]
fix the back - maybe with ruksen
---[ 3:45 ]
general capture
---[ 3:55 ]
paperwork
get a chair or something where ny upper half i'm held up bylike my armpits basically so the lumbar spine suppports NOthing 7:08 PM 12-Jun-24 <intention
'this is that'
is what i say responding to what - some fantasy i think. so this is that fantasy is a frame that clicks
this is that memory or dream of some you elsewhere
everything in this world is for your personal entertainment. Who cares?
shallow peace - things areok rn vs deep peace evrything alwas as it shd be (mid of tragedy nterror) (try feeling the meter to see where it can get to by itself)
mon morn job: write and mem the channels intention goal properly finalv
load mon was 23
the volitional factors, intention step that comes before exp. etc, is 'mostly' unconscious intention (separately noting, its from the past attention behavior (habit/karma) channel worn)
general capture
giving dude 1/2 hr plan while i break, plan for after i leave 'this is essential'
print load sheet
parking
headset
other bosses
how to do big loads (pallets block?)
how to scan waste faster
whats with the boss quality check double handle slow scan
How long to spend in the morning doing tickets and looking at the load sheet etc
How to get morning tickets
gapscan
goto bottom
never click tick
cross adj 30 times
get some more radical top things/recollections. for the weekend at least . its like i learned the whole world is not what i took it to be but i just live the same way 7:35 PM 09-Jun-24
need to merge managering and mindful/med whatever my acutual life intention. it is compatible btw, helpful even
quality check
New Chapter coming: I'm going to be a 5am guy. 7:49 PM 08-Jun-24 really going down from the monastary to the fruit market to help thing. (what? what did i mean here? something about early rising reminding me of various monks schedules)
chapter transition confused by also being recruited as manage the shop, earlier but havn't actually done it yet
sunday 5-9 is overtime as well as sunday rate. is it 1.5*1.5? i don't think so because the first 1.5 specifically says in ordinary hours. its like same pay 5am sunday as 11am? thats fucked. anyway would i be level 3 acting at that too? therefore 4% more (whut)
eat something with garlic, mbe garlic bread
clearing the deck
[x] splinter
[x] washing up
[/] shave and hair cut
- bus k notes
- gap scan commetns friday recap
[N/A] get some pants that can hold the pdt
- go in and use connect to get info
- floss
I m ight have to use the PA as well as the headset shit
wknd attd: 'i DO have time now. for that and then I'll STILL have time'
The Society of Saint Vincent de Paul (SVP or SVdP or SSVP) is an international voluntary organization in the Catholic Church, founded in 1833 for the sanctification of its members by personal service of the poor.
founded for..!
spell it out for me man
this is that
coleship life - add to prethree
things for this weekend maybe
- practise/orient for coming weekend or maybe even monday i'm managing?
- get a black jumper $10 only or bulky looks hot
- do nothing
- duty 40 indulg 10 mus 30 off 20
1GB for autorecharge? solves data problem, no actual cost?
do it, and email jumper order
uncovering old proven recollections:
- its not pushing barrow that sucks its thinking about it
today (wed before *before the weekend*) i actually did the afternoon managing while the TM does the markdowns. A lot to keep in mind but it will get chunked soon enough and become easy like markdowns did (though not mind wander easy like filling, hmm - nah - that's ok. med is not mind wandering med is holding-to. you certainly getting hold-to practise)
weekend coles voucher
good med trick give up on my life
regard, defer2, the momentry exp as a tchr
go to the moment you'll be beguiled by something
stop 'doing you' as you would in far gr8r company
as if your motions and notions and intentions are rudely spake over them
for getcalmfast refresh via texts or somethng, those ajahn brahm things like open the rubbish bin. had good but now not needed longtime so forgotten. success without stress was exactly for this respo duties thing.
RAJ CLOSING Qs
1) how do i get out
2) no ice bunk (eg lettuce) for 930 people?
Experience is normally seen as the interaction between a subject and an object. The Buddha taught that the existence of a subject and an object is only an experience. Therefore experience precedes existence. Experience is the basis of existence. Experience is the ground on which existence lies. Normally, we not only experience existence but we are also involved in it. We get involved by forming relationships between the subjects and the objects experienced. This involvement is a suffering. The way to end this suffering is to stop the involvement by stopping the relationships and focusing attention on the experience.
punnaji
med 1 hr
not trying to get anywhere just stop trying to drive exp
looks like i need to write a compellor for 'ths world is all just made up for my amusement'. why is that so? i used to be able toexplain and since i cant remember ill stop bleieveing it and get stressed
for relax "i is a lie"
TUES
wash clothes
shopping (consider tomorrow)
how to eat dinner?
(consider wednesday is a short day)
car perkign?
re-mid about wearing tha channels, causality by past actions
roses babyt mp4
bread
chips
p/b
CHUGGETS
Suseg roll at 12 ish
digestion busted fom 1.5hr sleep in. nothing else changed 3:45 PM 02-Jun-24
five fingers need to be most relaxed move each one see if the two connections on average got worse of better, 'net' result, if it was better leave it, otherwise undo. repeat randomly. does this converge to best? is this annealing?
Duty immediate reward
remembr thanissaro etc
wash clathe
clean floor
stretches
realmed
wire
shop
civic bus for k
food next week
alien iso one day
JJust use a strungup pillow case for a dirty clothes hamper. Wanted 'on top means still usable' use the bike seat or whatever the pc is hung off
Jumper ordered 1:30 PM 01-Jun-24
the mother of ___ is necessity or perception of, rather. importance. Now we're talking any level of performance here. memory attention etc
notion of a goal i had yestersday - become master of stretches. based on med is body, highs coming from random strs at work, etc... 9:34 AM 01-Jun-24
person contribution that i don't claim as a tax deduction is non-concessional
i dont need income reduction for tax reduction so i wont claim it (it's useful for people whose income tax is 50% or some shit, because it only gets taxed 15% going into the fund, so 15 instead of 50. for me it wouldn't help)
Aliens pillarrs of eath Narcissus SoB silence outland. airport workers. in den gangen lol
make manifest for Nbsaver
de gamba bor de dorm
relax: so, you've taken up cncern/care for some oucome. guess what later youll dropit and say (of sm1 you wanted to help) 'eh too bad for them haha'. so just fast fwd
despite the belwo, still, It doesn't even make sense what i'm worrying about
'it didn't happen that way ' is going to need to start becoming less applicable as a relax strat. because i'm going to need to know what happened. to have noted it at the time. but that's ok i have other strats 9:32 PM 26-May-24
WINTER STRAT to keep mind clear - heat room and stand up 7:59 PM 26-May-24
USE the Canberra only PUBHOL on MON to CHAT 4pm the VODA
call vodafone tech suppt?
>The best experience for current customers is to chat to us 24/7 through the My Vodafone app.
oh
>We make most super co-contribution payments between November and January each year for personal contributions made in the previous financial year.
i ave to be a wrangler. watch empire dust 8:07 AM 26-May-24
amechan game
maybe i could make pres wuth h=20em
athlete's foot spamming me. get my 200 back
computer is fucking up batterywise? like conking out at 20%? 8:32 PM 24-May-24. (even though i just found 4gb space in hdd)
kindness
so you are the subject of an experience (still too much you foc)
lol how can a part of the experuience (the subj) cause the exp? stop trying to cause it
not keep me hanging on whats that other song (time after time?)
see how far down the list you can get in a day while the other stuff is all coming at you
I'm not 'off the hook ' in having to do responsible work because it 'isn't that hard', i'm off the hook because experiences arent' real
It is accomplished music
remember, coles sent 250 gify card. plus 70 poitns
dentist soon, big block of tartar - think about dental bac changing whole health and all that. But how i'm always at work...
!! No managing for two days !!
>The Catholic church teaches that indulgences draw on the treasury of merit accumulated by Jesus' superabundantly meritorious sacrifice on the cross and the virtues and penances of the saints.[6]
jeez back at it again with the merit
today: practise explicit calm, what2dowithmy2ICnotes, stretch?
the coles dickson ship 16-May-24
was gonna add something to the overproject. which aside from top things should be listed, surely in the guide- the 'real first goto' doc. but actually maybe its ok the guide says med or check prethree (doesn't it?) and its on prethree
oh, 'get directly calm ' challenge to self/''point of pride''techique
could make it like day:duty, evening:indulgence (alway remember a duty frame is actually more enjoyable than indulgence a lot of times, and maybe that type of times is 'day') 7:55 PM 18-May-24. also like medn, say, is for my own pleasure but is easier to do with the frame of duty !
SHOPPING
-psylliumCOLES
water under the bridge
3-5 is offduty. maybe even 5-9
=======
wellb
room
coles
k
body
========
boyd legeuse
1. backstr legsover
replace my exercise bike area with a couch and tv (for eating dinner) 7:14 PM 13-May-24
today-things - (cos lacking over the last days) mindfulness, clarity.
its still kathy today but tomorrow or whatever - now it's your duty to help katie 6:26 AM 13-May-24
remembering is the real work? 8:47 AM 12-May-24
twist back stretch nice 8:31 PM 11-May-24
want duty on the weekend? duty to relax. or do the wider thing than duty - 'give over'. anti-indulgence give over ownership of the present to the moment itself or whatever 8:52 PM 11-May-24
sat sun
morn | lost
day | lost
eve | 'ah' evning
mori earned back its place in topth by u have to leave this (experience) 10:44 AM 11-May-24
wot if saturday suck is because ofno dinner friday? 8:43 PM 10-May-24
do this to get calm? bro i knowwww how to get calm (make this true beyond simple. make this true to shocking degree. thats the goal) 6:37 AM 10-May-24
Second time noticed having an off day after cat festy claw breaking my skin 7:11 AM 07-May-24
could just use a MC as the toy example of showing a chain segment goes to indep somewhat so you can have the best of both worlds, a relatable (motivated by work you know) but general (linking into stuff you don't really know what's already there)
'fiction' - what we experience
'de3', later 'dall'
oct 6 into reys
oct 11 darling harbor
oct 25 farmers market, trying for tlj
sunday duty
- tidy room rubbish, bowls, clotes
- fix sheet
-find a phone wire
>the possibility of slipping back into another distracted state is always there, so you've got to keep on top of things to be alert for any signs of the mind preparing to slip away.
i don't actually med
Target: get right leg to 90degrees with yellow scarf ends held, mid of brown shoe. use the wall to actually stretch though, 2m, relax othe muscles. 8:18 PM 05-May-24
tru det s1? (tie xfiles badinluence to nihil/antina, check against dham) how long total watch
coles friday(?) bangers
- four to the floor duke
- yeah or get low or whatever
- take a chance you stupid ho
======
projects etc - not at work 1) just relax, watch tv you dont need to do more. make yourself watch tracnhes to settle your doer. if you really want to do sth, relax the body. 2) if you feel like it there's med to get free or if you're
done with med, there's brain plastic mid brain project now see tmp/career.txt
=======
wednestday credit interest? [OK]
truth starts words end?
i alrady know how to be ree of suffering and selfconcern
u already know, your overaching plan - practise disappearing from exp
mid mind plastic practise (w claude?)
7) backups
cold gaps:
- back of neck and part where scarf meets chest
- forearms
- partial - wrist
- partial - bottom of ears
- partial - back - more of a onshift thing
cant put a a jacket in locker
lil jobbies:
- export/transcribe oldphone .txts
- turn off security on aafffs
My thought was as long as you compare like with like, it doesn't matter whrther you use ln or log for these calcs but then we fuckin need the function value to be less than '1' in our proof etc. What if we used log it would be all different? 9:15 PM 01-May-24
>The KL divergence between two distributions will be larger when measured in nats than when measured in bits.
when gpt2 comes back:
in my numerical results I saw, and I think i have now derived a proof for, this conjecture: the kl divergence between two finite probability distributions on the same set of events, is less than or equal to the maximum squared log ratio of their probabities. So that is to say while obviously the kl is less than or equal to the the maximum log ratio, because it's the expected value of log ratios, i'm tightening that to the square (smaller when max log ratio is less than 1). the first question for you is do you know any results that are similar to this (or even if this is already known) which i should acknowledge? I haven't found it out there myself even though there are many bounds on kl and this one seems useful. It's not even my main result just a lemma in my paper so if i don't need to present a proof, just a reference, that's fine.
ALSO
See if you can prove the following relation- I have done a proof myself but it's SO ugly and bulky - given that I'm more of an engineer than math-head, i'm probably missing some more elegant option. It's that
y=ln^2(1-x)+ln(1-x)+x is greater than or equal to 0 for x greater or equal to 1-e.
yes that's natural log *squared* as the first term, log times log. Start of with possible avenues, try them and if they aren't going where you hoped, ditch for another. Don't just try to force it to seem solved. Ask clarification where you need some
hours to lester?
>Long development makes development longer, it's a vicious circle of people burning out, new people bringing new idea instead of finishing whats there, redesigning same feature over and over again (we had to rework the map 3 times), assets getting old and having to be refreshed etc etc.
philosophizing ethics principles code plan logic - check which/where is currenty the truth bwteen "there will never be enough certainty so stop philosophizing now, leave it as it is as good enough" and "we can within a manageable time get to a point where enough is locked down we could say that without settling" 6:34 AM 26-Apr-24
gotta makes some backguups incase windows bricks
3 months to save 9k? could i? i have no input actually to whether it happens or not but lets see 7:18 PM 23-Apr-24
intention: fight confusion 8:23 PM 21-Apr-24
if no mmory, no experience?
>that one episode where they were living their best life and then realized it was all a hallucination caused by the fungi that were consuming them alive in a cave fucked me up.
what if this all is an hallucination and in reality we are in a cave somewhere being devoured by shrooms?
what ep? xfiles. fiedl trip s6
...i'm still a bit sick, recover
k's backup
chores
maybe career.txt mem mid
letting go till kind
clothes tidy
smwhere for clean
smwhere for between
smwhere for dirty
rubbish up
rubbish out'wash bowls
fix bed
need to 'stop and (drop then) think ' more at work 7:41 AM 20-Apr-24 otherwise choosing the dumber option of ones to fix problems
"do you think 6 teaspoons of nescafe over a morning is too much? thats what i have and i dot even really feel elevated most days"
meta - preachy meh
chat3.5 - much better
exp precedes exist but crav prec exp so it not my craving either
On the bus home i recall (read?) 'home guide:' 'i've done what i need now i'm on hiliday' and i relax and then think 'life is actually easy' even thinking how to change what i've set out in treatises because othe premise being that its hard. but now acutally being home trying to ?? pass the time?? clicking around computer in bed, it feel hard again, i let somthething slip, wrong view appears 7:42 PM 19-Apr-24 i am sick though so can't breathe ideally, gets worse as the night goes/goodin morning remember
'sunk cost' my prev. degrees. but.. was there a cost?
saw a clothes moth WED NIGHT 9:17 PM 17-Apr-24
1. 'my only intention is to give over my intentions'
syaste 'that's all this is'
'why make my current experience "good"'? why actually?
>Start to think of yourself as a headstone crumbling away. Your past is disappearing like the leaves from a diary being torn out, burnt to ashes, and thrown to the four winds – so you have no record of all your achievements, of all the things that you’ve strived for and done. They’ve all gone
Memento mori doesn't currently belong in my top things. It doens't resonate with anything. It could be replaced with something reminding me ...epanding on 0 (its easy)? that life is not an ordeal but a dream, a joyous game? The point of top things though is not just 'oh that's nice yeah put that'. its things that i believe but continually forget and evry time i remember, there's some 'oh shit' that i've been going along stupidly blind of the forest for the trees, sort of thing. What i put above may meet that but needs to be tested much more first 12:52 PM 14-Apr-24. its also a bit redundant with einmal.
>Many people find that their habitual patterns of thought and emotional reactions are deeply ingrained, shaped by years of conditioning. Changing these patterns can require consistent practice and mindfulness. It’s not just about making a decision to let go; it’s about training the mind to respond differently to stimuli, which is a skill that takes time to develop.
Moreover, life presents us with a continuous stream of experiences and challenges that can trigger automatic responses. Learning to navigate these without getting caught up in the habitual narratives we tell ourselves is a subtle art. It involves a level of self-awareness and self-mastery that is often hard-won.
>finding a state of contentment and peace that is not dependent on external circumstances
in topth: 'to get them'. thats how souexp expand
I definitely get little euphoria hits from stretches [8:48 PM 13-Apr-24] It manifests as random 'good memory' flood - the same phenomena be it a properly cued belly breath that stretches the pelvic floor, reaching into fridges at work, or more directly evidenced due to no possible confounders - just now childs pose stretch. Another thing to note though is this didn't change my mood because i now recognize it as just a physical mechanical phenomena not something meaningful. So I was going to say look into YOGA as the refined, optimized method of exploiting this way to get a good feeling (with reservation about why chase that, just another type of high that might as well be what druggies chase) but if it doesn't even feel good there's no point.
edit txt: by doing things->by your own action
(think that just as soon as i get home im going back to work)(paul reiser image appears in mind) (remember that's what i wanted, feel good) 8:48 PM 10-Apr-24
playing soccer agagint a little kid and you catch yourself trying to score the goal. the recall, oh no, i don't need to win here that's not the situation
coles is btter than webdev. the only thing people actually need is food
this week's pay looks normal so why did i get three extra hours pay last week? 7:16 PM 09-Apr-24 tues.
[experience] What should i do now? well what's the sitution? well you're probably caugh up in momentary notion, momentary location activity but that will be different in a minute so start at the context, the context of that, etc up to the top level context. u r... That's the situation
in meditation (15m cup down) let respect for the silence etc stop my speech because, demur/defer to what's already there dont add your - so you can practise SELFLESSNESS path to non-self at home too. dont need to add
your voice
your intention/attention questing
your interpretation
your memory /projects
YOUR frets.
etc
All of that is disrecpecful to the moment's presence, imposing yourself over it. Don't talk over!
>Look - you are subject to 'experience'. That's what is pertinent here. Beyond that, the specifics of the content - that's details. It what happens to have happened this time. It's the number that showed on one toss of one dice.
instruc: "If you have washing up to do etc., then do it, before you 'let go': It makes letting go a lot less struggle. If you owe a duty to someone, fulfill it likewise." 3:38 PM 07-Apr-24
milk
chips
meal
chocs
Now i have to go to sleep at 830! (daylight saving ended 1:34 PM 07-Apr-24)
content of goalsaver, earmarks
6.25 netbank's interest for a joke
20 contrib to make the balance be up
500 dentist
5,000 if nec. hernia surg.
3,000 if nec. car
8526.25
to add:
[10,000 caravan]
movie, screamers 1995
the mental object 'should' is the cuase of suffering 9:39 AM 06-Apr-24
'experience is.. the totality' (awareness of that is the main 'insight'?) ? is that said in link or my twist ? http://www.buddhistvihara.com/Home/meditation.htm 9:50 PM 05-Apr-24
feeling of bluets block.. go to nature...(cd just take car to nearest unfmailiar wetland/bushland. some saturday) 6:04 PM 05-Apr-24
bank commbank netbank hid an account netbank saver from the list but its still there 9:11 PM 04-Apr-24. it takes it out of net position lol so i can hide money i dont want to see as available
people will think this is your claim and react thus >>uhmm, I kind of feel like existence is pain right? You see I kind of think that this completely subjective feeling that I am feeling is an objective fact of life? You see? It doesn't matter that most people live fulfilling, good lives. I feel like they must be lying, because it makes me feel better for myself. 7:53 PM 04-Apr-24
xfiles main asset is duchovny's sypathetic-ness (not his comic ability) but he does have is so, mbe watch evolution
goalsaver when do i need to add money by to get 4.5%? I made it today 8:11 PM 03-Apr-24
>make sure you add money to your goalsaver at the start of each month. The bonus interest rate starts from the day you add new funds. So, adding $200 on the 1st Jan will get you 31 days of interest at 4.90%. Adding $200 on the 31st Jan will get you 1 day of interest at 4.90%. CBA won’t tell you this as it’s in their best interest (no pun intended) to pay you less…
if you notice that beneath the space beneer tery're really 17th century sailers, their action make sense. the first ones are merchant the prometh is sabotaged arctic exp, the cov are obv puritan croatoan
decided i'm a dumb guy. well, like 100iq. not bright. 8:04 AM 02-Apr-24 thinking about how i wanted to be mulder till like 2010 without even remembering that show, and 1 or 2 other things. just 'poor thinking', unclear, dull etc
saw a team member wearing gloves... sore/cut hands.. get thin gloves?
make sure i get paid for 6 hours on monday not 5.5 3:53 PM 01-Apr-24
alonewinter nexus: x-files, egypt, bswa, than, water-drink/pool desert collect,
get marg service video
>Therefore, the purpose of the practice of Buddhist meditation is to grow to a higher level of emotional maturity, beyond the normal
and since i spend the last two days spazzing - time to resume practise! 10:02 PM 30-Mar-24
virtuosity movie ?
openai themselves: >higher layers are more abstract
[...], so worrying about (the quality of) any experience other than this exact moment is non-sensical. (?)
--thought chain --
go
llm long term memory is the content of the matrices and 'short term memory' is the vector set being passed up through the layers - which only exists during the inference run
dsfd
....
'your experience' no, experience, which has you as a part of it. you're 'its'
.."impersonal experience
/..when you're fussing about something 'in' your experience
I made an MNIST solving NN myself from scratch in matlab, why don't i now (with llm help) make a toy transformer/gpt to see where the meaning lives, put it in a loop etc 8:12 PM 24-Mar-24
>A mind that demands experience is a very immature mind. We have one experience after another and they never [satisfy].
moths
movies to rewatch, jurassic park | matrix | mothman
has anyone tried telling an llm it's a human that's having the momentary experience of a false sense 'implant' of being a llm
separate experience event, the subject and the content. 'actually the subject is part of the content'
5:36 PM 23-Mar-24 Released from heat and humidity. Released from marg impending. released from doubt and atsea about 'what should one do in the short term'. (apparently) released from not being able to switch into holiday mode, by 'so you are subject to existence' (or something. not analysed yet)
Brought forward the 'day's really over everyone's asleep, everythign's packed away' sleep-procrastination (usually frutstratingly clung to cos time is run out as that 'defiant..' whatever thing) free feeling, to 530pm. feels good 5:40 PM 23-Mar-24 via thinking of the splitting experience into pie chart of duty and no-duty, plus overhead sliver -> this day should be no-duty
n303 coles region
>' the break up of the aggregates'
'experiece, which seems to be just something you're moving through, or is coming toward you but actually youre pulling it toward you with hungers*.
*nothing to be ashamed of these are inherent inborn and not under direct control - compulsion ''un'''conscious''' acted on - reflex. but you can change a reflex by training
It seems to have a continuity but that's just..
It seems to have a point of view (implying self)
>' from volitional formations as condition, consciousness'
point was if you dtop the hungers does exp stop?
actiondoings this w/e": vinnies coat, gloves
nice calm chilly quiet sat. stillness 9:55 AM 23-Mar-24 14C. nice fresh clear air
remmber to not be taking things serious like trying like 'gahh got to get to bed on time to get the good sleep to do good work on the weekend ' or even to get peace. fuckin its all fine and life is silly lol
how to amuse cats all day i'm gone ?
Eat suger in afternoon before markdown 7:40 PM 21-Mar-24
the Beatles and steve jobs had 'indian spritual meditation letting go' phases and then those phases ended. what came after? 7:18 AM 19-Mar-24
me vs budasts - suffering yes, non-self yes, rebirth no, karma dunno, depends
[to fix] This week 8:25 PM 18-Mar-24 not quite automatically using the good cue that i was last week that fixed every posture issue and openend breathing and energy
the 'fruits of practise' (med) - so, seed plant wait you know. do that ahaed. current peace is the fruit of my earlier pract.
wanna get into some vampire shit. watch interview or..vtbm
q: actual med whats it for 10:11 AM 17-Mar-24, test the water of non attachement, letting go emotionally of things that come up in the mind as things in themselves - my future my parent my friend etc will come up and you practise letting them go then and there. my personality my 'being'. you can see where the cling is
three frames, a work frame (or duty, head down 'only this one thing') in which a giving practise happens, and an off duty frame where currently i'm a bit lost (aim is maybe to practise giving up habits, letting go of belief-based self continuing, too see the truth of the dream directly..dunno. Q: actual meditation what's it for?) and the third is overhead frame dual meaning of being a cost and also over because it is planning and looking at the situ and saying is this what to do or what else. and this one is supposed to be minimal like 10% not 40 or 70 like it has got in the past. Note the weekend can involve both the first two. there is duty on the weekend both as a practical consideration and as an option available if the second frame isn't clicking
to med? note my recent suffering level is low, but giving level not that high and girding level probably quite high. 10:09 AM 17-Mar-24
for dark tower - careful! - hateful coast: storm boy and roan inish. also secret garden other dread horrible
weekends - maybe start a guide like shutdown if any views start working. so i have all this reasoning about what ultimately the insights lead to in terms of what actual action is reconmmended in waking life which is like 'do what you're asked'. So on the weekend when i'm not asked i get lost. 8:23 AM 17-Mar-24. what i came up with before was 'being kind/giving/dutiful to your future self'
pure musing 16-Mar-24: 'we are born with original debt (the cost of feeding/warming our body for 90 years), but its worse than that - and better. worse, we are born into slavery. to craving. sort of like the mind's unsatisfiable debt. better because we can escape...sth'. sth about put ourself into voluntary slavery selfless duty as a rung to ..?
>“We speak of the ‘dignity of man’ and the ‘dignity of work’. We struggle wretchedly to perpetuate a wretched life; this predicament necessitates exhausting work which man…now and again admires as dignified” Nietzsche’s classic, “The Greek State.”
for relax: never be in the situation again that's getting your attention and energy up (cos river twice)
EASY MORI EINMAL/NOSCORE REJECT/CANNOT/MOMENT RELAX NOTHING/DREAM/youmake GOODWILL/KIND/selfless
>AB: (head too far forward) that usually sends me to sleep 6:35 PM 16-Mar-24 (said on this day) i actually tried it and it worked, from 'seeing dream locatins' to just calm quiescent. but it only possible to put head back by using (1) to release the neck
weekend strat pieces trying/testing, examples:
1) stop 'managing' my exp
'if this is a dream... well i don't need to do anythng. hit me with the dream' 8:45 AM 16-Mar-24 fr last night
>While the average super balance at retirement stands at roughly $340,000 for men and $261,000 for women (only needed if paying rent)
noodle posture finally solved? all week this cue has been working and actually allowing me to lift things that would have strained and more importatnly breathe when i would have been holding, I'm pretty sure. What it is is you let go of absolutely any activation of what feels like your core/stomach/gut muscles on the front, including obliques, and also any imagined psoas. anything that would be hinging the hip closed, stiffening the lower spine. And you do that while putting the weight on the heels of your feet, and the posterior chain just handles it. handles keeping you upright. then likewise if you need to breathe out or hold pee or anything that normally makes you gird the abdomen, same. you can also imagine the whole stomach area being loose but the floor or below the floor curling in like a scroll on its side or whatever, but not pushing that back toward the spine (tva). there's a sligh shoulders downward to ground gravity faking thing and also a sort of pelvis area zip up roll outward inward version thing too but those may not even help who knows - basically just UNGIRD any core that habitually (forever?) was used to stand and POSTERIOR HANDLES IT and that's the trick 6:55 AM 15-Mar-24 [1]
been letting out usual stomach crunch to stand up straight and feels good too... more detail pls add 9:23 PM 12-Mar-24
coles viewframe today, a monk in coles clothing 7:36 AM 12-Mar-24
Because i've got the job now, I won't ever get the time to manually maximise the sell value for the car/its parts, so abandon that option and just have the quick guys take it away even for nothing. Remember, we aren't here to get the most money, money is for giving away. (Like 'posessions' like a car.) If it has 'value to someone' that you don't want to destroy, it will be found by these seller people. 6:25 AM 11-Mar-24
memeber bohren
qqq is like a higher return higher-risk spy. (80% drawdown... 15y to recover... hmm ) [no!]
are you taking things to be? and thus 'managing' ?
I NOTICED that unisuper companies in asia, is the same growth as the god damn s and p 500 ove the last 10y. its fuckin no advantage. (that means their intrnational shares must actually be worse.) Also asia means china. like mcd opening 50% of new outlets there 3:01 PM 10-Mar-24
project: make headings projects, policies, questions, approaches, (instructions?)
if there was a laplace distr' var dailt with b how much b year?
'hey i should buy a computer for matlab because i used to be a quant and understand stuff like fitting a disro which could give me a way to properly model chances of xyz stock doing abc and i could...' what? greed
[MONEY]
- note down things that need setting aside for, which can get forgot till oops now i need it: 500 dentist, 5000 abmesh (try strengthen),
- consider percentage retained earnings to limmy/charls etc, percentage to 'gamble', percentage for s and p surety of 5x,
strengthen tva project delared 9:59 AM 10-Mar-24
need to go back to focus on physical relaxing and delight. the mood's been good, no stress, things are ok. but you have room below neutral witohut too much complicated brain racking what's that insight. just shower, stretch and as that reminds of the power, mindful release muscle 5:53 PM 09-Mar-24. this is a project, creating it now
>“Putting one area of your body in cold water is fine, but cover too much surface in it, and your body will actually constrict the amount of blood that reaches your skin,” says Tipton. “The secret to cooling down is to deliver blood to your skin’s surface and then gently take away the heat.” In short: skip the ice bath and opt for a tepid shower instead.
12:26 PM 09-Mar-24 weekend struggling with wanting and lack of 'reward' (craving past peaces) and old q why do for future if there's nothing. why be kind to future self when uh. dunno.
anyway - reflect on 'if someone killed me i wouldn't have to do anything'
work has more pegs to hang mindfulness and wisdow. weekend lacks. but mbe: in 'if you REJECT' replace with (option) if you realize you CANNOT get it by doing
Monks don't handle money for a reason 11:43 AM 09-Mar-24 (last week)
'challenge' or some kind of stress making alive, people seek to make adrenaline to make present but "i know better" because i know you can get present, existing, cashingin being made to be born, w/o external 'thrill' context, right? ??
AAPL is at 170 but has hovered arond 200. surely this is goin to go back to 200 soonish, this is apple. So if i had 5000 at 170 and it went to 200 i'd have 5880. take off 20? for broker $860, but what about tax, and other fees etc? anyway if i don't buy, watch what happens 11:58 PM 08-Mar-24
[answer: 12-jun 2024 $US207.15 to sell at would be 6088. 1088 profit 3 mths
wait what if global companies in 'asia' means china?
project work out actually strengthen tva so no more pops. clear goal
term deposit for ks lump?
5000 for ab mesh?
if i don't end up doing it, imagine today i bought 500 of AX1 stock let's see what happens 8:44 PM 06-Mar-24 (its a stock with either 6 or 8% dividend depending who you ask and its share price growth itself is ok (4x/10y), you reinvest the dividends thats like 6x/10y)
maybe for 'becoming' sub 'coming into being'
'High dividend must be running down the company' no turns out high divi companies usually beat the s and p
oh shit i need to think about the time value of dividends, like they're an annutity discounted off into infintiy...but not infinity because my life is finite!
>The expected value of a stock can be thought of as the sum of all future cash flows that an investor expects to receive from holding that stock, discounted to present value. This includes dividends as well as any future selling price of the stock.
first chill if winter (psyhcological) (for 10 minutes) 9:56 AM 03-Mar-24
why do i work at coles? who knows - don't even try to 'remember' the reason. its the past. you just do now. you know?
coles brand meals blow
'willing to lose ' (because i'm young) risk high for higher reward. but in the sense of choosing a product with risks of high amount of negative yaers but a cumulative highly likely higher return 'given enough time' that's clear. what ;im young; it's not direclyly applicable to is 'picking a stock that could 10x or 0x' because it wont go from 0 back to maybe toward 10 after a long time. What you could maybbe say though is, being willing to invest...like once per year and some years your stock will die but ... no this isn't cumulative. HMM
maybe i shouldn't even drink coffee on saturdays becasuse the morning is alwasy going to be bodily drained so not teehee research rush
If you invest 1000 in 5 different companies that have a 20% chance of 10x and 80% chance of going to zero, what's.. the probability you get >='5x' (ie one popped and you lost the others, or more than one popped) [expected value here is 2000 each so not what you could get for your 1ks]
this w/e ' just relax. "im trying to!" then you're not relaxing, just relax'
its 58 saved a day which means 6 less would be a 10% increase
costs are 22 a day so that's not a small part of current spend though
'managing' the usual activity to look at the opposite of. (as in managing like a manager, the status, progress, course and priority, delegating choosing the next task assiging against a goal, (think produce dept manager) etc. but of myself)
careful - i already knew that people cop of from being condemned to be free by taking up some burden that is having a child, then saying, ah now i have to do just this and just that, because otherwise my child will suffer. So I don't like that (they don't know that's why but it is why they do it, to fix their own vertigo, agoraphobia in the space of possibilities, fear of emptiness in the slots of reason to do x is y, fear of 'no meaning') because they created a being to suffer for it. But if you separate out making the being from the taking up a constraint...
Invest in air conditioner manufacturer 9:46 PM 25-Feb-24. or video game (but...layoffs)
>the median worker should be saving about $650 per month
"we think about gaining, improving (involved), building creating - but we give so ilttle time to the opposite of that ('relax')ing (letting go, being at ease)" but the point is, think about what you have strived and explore the radical space of the entire opposite of it. im always trying to optimize. even with 'virtue ' or goodness - think about total settling, total not making myself better. these might be ways to get out of the water a minute. eg just stop caring about your life. 'let my actions be wrong, let my choices lead to a bad experience '. let my entire day be tense and let my forming path to release be forotten.
So note here the idea we spend most time (say, all) on strive. and none on 'drop'. so you don't need to drop all the time either but whatever the optimal is, is above what you do now and even with your best effort what you'll do next. so you can safely say any time i think, unless someone needs u(?), it's good (best)to 'drop now' (?)
it happened again, feel awful just biologically/metabolically/whatever until afternoon then lightswitch to feeling delight and free and humor. If this was the rule, since the morning-day would be a bunch of zombie either way, work in that time, cos it's no loss. I don't think this is actually a rule though i think its just occasional days when there's some underlying strive/crave 6:00 PM 25-Feb-24
So, note how 5:01 PM 25-Feb-24 I spend the sunday going 'what? giving? what? service? monk?' and let's see what i think after monday... [just zz tired no thoughts (got up weird time) -mon; 'ugh zz' -tues]
service i literally mean serve like a servant, is that what i propose i kind of want? i guess since i was going on (internally) about animals are slaves but 'people don't realize slaves can be happy'
sandwitches, carcoffee bottles, shave,
Why are SMS late? I only got three texts from Rakesh when the VERIF sms for mycoles was sent and pushed them htrough, three days late
Just leave it on VOWIFI when at home i guess
francish: laland carpanteress 17 rue st frederick (ferdinand?)
WEEKEND PLAN : 1) reducate, how to retire, switch off when the time to sw - bodh and brahm sunyo, friends (but not striving to achieve w/e)
2) tidy to continue the successful ;peace in service; (serving abstract or future)
remember: walk to rouse/clear (sitting in room is co2max)
" 'monk in coles clothing' "? or .. what about other clothing..
Happiness in service? Like, is a good life for me one where i work as a paid position, but treat it as giving? (because you can do it in a giving way), with the whole easier to surrentdre to the moment at work than at home, restrictions are pegs to hang mindfulness on, like monks have. Coles is great because i always know what's asked of me so its easy to just say ok and give it. I don't have to improvise or second guess it's always asked directly, by a person.
So a full time job that is more demanding but still doesn't need me to be autonomous... what actual jobs arise with the word service.. other than army. Or...?
maybe some job where people are notoriously underpaid? (implicit in all this is me not doing any more study/training just being able to start. what shit can't they get people for?)
Like absolutely flipping the script on what i have always or ever wanted to do, because usually it's like 'ugh that would suck' now its 'ah yes, this sucks, nice'
Nuns serving as ?nurses? in hindoo land povvo
missionaries serving god
[unstated in this was the hypothesis that 'i'm someone who' (careful) likes being told what to do. thoughts about 'being someone who' just does not like being in charge ]
[freedom in servitude... freedom from the curse of being free-to-choose, free from your wants <yes ]
I tihnk the coffee reduction (but more importantly stopping'chaising highs') worked? 7:01 AM 22-Feb-24
put yyourself on the clock to get rid of searching for desires
Your corresponding sense of self is defined by its ability or inability to overcome obstacles and fulfill your desire in the world as you define it. For instance, if you want some ice cream, your body and your financial status are relevant. Your looks are not.
(bus>>car) more pleaseure in giving up control than having it (this is what makes supposedly fun things like video game a grind, too)
think about the radical implications if this holds - no need to own land
first commenton looking : "The big reason why my partner and I are buying is simply because we’re sick and tired of having no control over our living situation, and having to move every year or two. " control.
>Seeing people floundering
>like fish in small puddles,
>,..
>Wanting a haven for myself,
>I saw nothing
>that wasn’t laid claim to.
stretch bicep and related
buy and skull coldmilk at the coles
reqatch the matrix (+sst)
he puts me on friday because he has extra stuff and not time to cut fruit
things to renounce: (all) duty, amition, 'to work it all out', optimisation, anticupation, rehash, preoccuptations, concerns, fault finging. ...virtue? attempts at? attempts to 'be a good person in the world', at least
its different with sleep and med mind you
'foolish' to fret
>What is latent space if not a representation of the real world?
HECS affect retirement pension?
'the motivation is analysis of algorithms on prob models involcing marginalization, where summing out finite variables is matrix mult , and simpler model matrix vec.
to analyse relative error from 'cut links' (no chain terminology yet)'
How to treat time and a life that goes on? being kind to the being that is the future self in that future moment, ok. but
the hours 730 to 940 are for me? for med actually. dhamma read mbe. not for workfret or indulge
another (another) bonked sat
how do you know the difference between a memeory of a dream and of a waking experience? 'hm... consistency'. (that consistency 'reconciled' by external is what the matrix concept is. awake is dreams - players pcs running the game engine forward, but with a server 'merging' like git etc)
Phenomena are preceded by mind, conducted by mind, made by mind. If, therefore, one speaks or acts with impure mind, suffering will follow, even as the wheel the hoof of the draught-ox.
Phenomena are preceded by mind, conducted by mind, made by mind. If, therefore, one speaks and acts with pure mind, happiness will follow, even as the never departing shadow.” (Dhammapada 1–2)
its not the will 'to live' pyhsical is bavatanha. to be the one who is here
could pay limmy charls etc now
Seems like: DAY - work or feel awful. EVENING: feel good. ?
'discursive'
[paused] PHI
0.99^229 = 0.001. the min emtry cond makes tb<1-min. so 0.01 -> 0.99
--proceding in understanding
1) 'phi' is max log ratio of two columns plus max log antiratio, so is greater than each and less than 2x the max one...
2) So doesn't phi immediately bound the difference between a column and any weighted sum of columns (because it can't be more than the difference between the largest two).
3) Yes, but our result is the square of this. Well. What if we take note of that 2 in the first line. Does doing it twice to get phi not... lead to something?
4) nah it ended up needing that kl close to zero is like a square and uses all the entries not one... this part's vague
--My thought today was to get back to confidence in the paper topic not by working on the paper but by building that background context back up. whats mi useful for, what's a mc what's a graphical model etc. Just bit by bit wiht no fear allowed, like learning a games rules
observe myself rushing ahead with an idea like i used to, leaving context behind. change my ways. lock in contex in mind first. not writing but verbally in real memory, mind. "Is the two on the wrong side?" continue! "OF... the equation, kl is less than phi, where, " etc
alanw limmy 320
[ACTIVE] [Project] need to be more monklike. more restraint less indulgence*. think of self as an example and see how the memory of restraint backs up feeling open and.. you know to help people (get free). unfortunatley doubt at the moment because 'others are haopy' who aren't medders...dunno what to make o that. anyway.. 'conduct'
*no culadasa
empty is like empty promise (of the formations etc. not saying emptiness what's left without them is bad)
[MONEY] sell greeenshit - the only reason you have it is unisuper offers it for unifags 'ethics' which means they don't even think it will grow, they even said its overvalued at 2021. this goes aagainst their pred numbers however.. hmm
[waiting till next week's update video for giudance]
He says Trump victory will make green go down or not grow, again!
Either way - he says probably not going to be worse shrink going forward but dones't really think its going to pop either. might as well switch till later?
Sell - "But..." - why am i falling into sunk cost fallacy? if it goes up it's not going to go up more than companies in asia - big example that we saw was all the Tesla hype bubble. GEO has... nothing... to rec it against orange line, right?
>“You have to have a healthy fear,” he says of the Drake. “It’s something that keeps you focused, alert, sensitive to the ship and the weather. You need to be aware that it can be dangerous – that it’s never routine.”
i can ynderstnad this, now, of what than said too?
I know now how to enjoy work/being out in the loud noise (make suer to lock it in though, write aproper thing) But i don't know how to enjoy being HOME as much (or rather, ON MY OWN TIME)
no, i do:
restrict: honor my past intention as a giving to future
breath
scan relax bundles of strings
highest hangouts
try: 'reducation' - not Doing or 'nothing at all' no juedge. bodhi+sunyo
backup helenight etc
I do actually have some responsive: this phone issue
for thinking after day is accomplished and in individual moments and ecnounters 'you'll never see it again' cos you'll never be back in the truly same situ
Is goignto work automatic meditation because you can't be suffering from 'trying to get something' since you are forced to be giving your effort?
offer organs - while healthy? i mean.. eh nah those people dont need em either
conflating... conflate 'phone' with happy because my notes i made with release causing sentences are on a phone
Currently for my 'all contexts' things to recall repos theres a few pieces around:
- the inone image
- the top things text
- the top things text notes
- possibly one or two things in the ram
- phone notes
[BUY] to buy: sprayer bottle,
why keep meditating after insights
> the time of dying effects a transformation from perceived tragedy to experienced grace.
what if a fan was in a tube and outside the room then would it be silent blow?
so, it was worth looking into 'what does becomeing mean'. not just academic
does the future matter at all or is that someone else/it's fine to die
>Spiritual experiences are experiences of a reality that is experienced to be beyond the ego and its immediate needs.
>The HOLY LIFE is lived for the abandonment of becoming.
>May we recognize the condition of becoming every time it arises – noticing its need to be “the one who,” its need for the nametag, recognizing it as merely egoic hope for future contentment. Having seen where the nametag leads us – to a new “self,” a new birth, new suffering- surrender becomes a joy.
>Simply being – with no need for becoming – becomes an ease and a refuge.
tricep: supine, feet out in front squeeze butt/back of legs to try to make a soty of plank
NEED TO KEEP POV MIND //do some reaserch with bibtex or whatever 'sources list'
Sat'dy's bonked again ragin - 'sit because i have nothing/dno else im working on?
>The breath is the primary means for fabricating bodily states, and... giving rise to feelings of comfort
every day my take/view on/narrative of the same situation is so different
[ LOOK! ] {ACTIVE} [Project] for time not at work is.. runnels of sand, no. but... nobody to be kin2
look into other self-'less' processes
IGNORE money the COLES JOB is opty 2 practise giving (cos that feels btr) not mny
MATRS UP
[LOOK] Huge reaction to seeing the words 'holy life' today. that's what i wnt 28j
why isnt there anything that uses my first year engineering school knowledge?
think 'the joy that ... brings' (e.g. peace, lg, lying down)(src limmy pets)
becoming - 'self-continuing"? (me: recprcation (no, self-perpetuatn?),eg engine)
JAGGED UP my psoas and pf with my risky glute iso squat/ angels
honoring an intention set by your past (seconds ago even) self for generosity to your future self is practising not giving in to present self-view
make free air conditioning for people
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Need a clearer head? To hold straight thoughts? A: Just 'stare at the walls' more
[LOOK] Go Back to The Start of MEDITATION. it was making things PLEASANT/PLEASING
May x abibe in well being/may y be happy. good luck z
SUNDAY: Med? so far simply using ?? 'no need to be <delight' delivers delight -
the only thing tyhat feels shy of full is 'stability', consistent here, cohereetc
regarding the hedge of the path of peace, the single moment - dont forget a best way to feel in a moment (that you can instandly go to not some med thing or requires random (?) arrival of bodily delight but we'll come back to revise that soon [note elseehere address chasing mood highs]), is not just 'neutral', there's room to go up from there, for free with the 'highest hangouts' - sympa-joy, etc
ent - Body double, the pol/sein eros ..not sure
in case its lost elsewhere: the successful move2endsuf is to let go of my wanting
Had a fairly Struggly, Bothered feeling Day after delight ones - cd restr. be the
element that was missing? src: 'only this breath=good'
If you have a feeling that's about something in the (immed) past, didn't hap l t
Because the act of clinging involves what the Buddha calls "I-making" — the creation of a sense of self — if one were to cling to the view that there is no self, one would be creating a very subtle sense of self around that view (see AN 4.24). But, as he says, the Dhamma is taught for "the elimination of all view-positions, determinations, biases, inclinations, & obsessions; for the stilling of all fabrications; for the relinquishing of all acquisitions; the ending of craving; dispassion; cessation; Unbinding."
the same-as-at-work eupho is from letting go of wanting not coff
buy: coles coffee [they use blend 43?]
poetry? //richness of behaviour
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Experience quality chased is all from feelings from the body so work directly?
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----the truth----
>Here, secluded from sensual pleasures, secluded from unwholesome states, a bhikkhu enters and dwells in [the pool of peace]
WHERE have i written that the thing to do is practising good inteintions or whatever so it becomes a habit. wearing a channel at the ever moment cross roads
ANS - in the inone, but not clear enough
[LOOK] My whole last 5 years preoccupation and purpose has been removing lower-case 'anxiety' and my worldview is now based arond that. but i never used to have that much, until my 30s. is it just age+coffee creating the problem that defines my whole world. If i stopped drinking coffee and stopped needing to manage stress to live, would i just be left without that entire frame? what the f would life be like? [6-jan 2023] [update 4 feb:] testing this last week seemed to produce a good results. calm abiding replacing usual gut-twisting before shifts, long shifts handled easily with no head spinning, generally feeling good/great during the week.
what i f this house and all was ripped away
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volvo...ownership own things, householder, bodhidhaja wouldn't own a car
[ ] project: become a 'zen/chilled out' calming presence like rakesh and the bikkhus (no doubt). for others! for people you know already too that
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[22-dec] how i only just now remembered i didn't take this job for the money and i am doing it not for me but to be kind? when was it last week i said 'who's suffering can i help today' then i forgot. signing over myself, forgotten. turned to greed of more shifts, double-time shift
that occassional euphoria at work... was it exercise high? it wasnt correlated with harder work though [stopping to crave and chase after highs led to peace]
need to reg med cos im getting memories of what it was like actually not having compulsion impulse after impulse just one eg is going to bed/evenings not thinking ah food ah look up this ah etc
this is people's place they have to come here every day, make it nice for them.
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