How to use:
Open this document in Sublime Text 4 and... fold away. Could come up with a rule that greys lines starting with numbers.
Active:
Ask 'what do I want?'
if you can't define what you want or even say whether defined options are something you do or don't want, then it makes no sense to be grimacing that you 'missed it' /didn't take the shot when smth was there, and especially to be fretting it's too late or time's running out or something, for some notion you probably first got one minute ago.
See below for the discussion.
body
Do the trap-less shoulder joint stuff against a wall
Stretch glute etc thats actived by the wall thing
don't do anything without warming up - you'll suffer
med
Med covers all the bases where I feel lacks atm, right? We'll never know if we don't do it
you felt it. you felt the better thing than the train
jhan to supplant
Put yourself back to the break room with Elizabeth or ppl talking no i need a break which means, ...
at work
ask 'what scene and character do i find myself given right now?'
please drop preoccupation, (whatever you start craving) is not what you want. *no 'intentions'*
regarding my fret about whether to act on my cravings, whether ive stuffed it or biffed it etc., it doesn't fucking matter
have a fuckin giggle stop so serious.
'I'm thinking about going back to my old personality' but for the craving source... what about compassionate clowning
It doesn't matter, nothing matters because you can't really do any lasting damage to you or anyone's happiness
'can't do lasting damage
stop the mind going to schemes and plans and even the questions on this page. 'this is good enoguh for me'
You can do the exact same movements with a laugh or with gritted teeth.
Unsorted
morality if anything is an instinct. you don't need morality (judgement, rules) with the instinct there. conscience. so something isn't bad to do because its immoral (ie laziness) its bad to do because you'll feel bad later. cartman right
'Today's profound insight becomes tomorrow's hollow words.' fuck this life man
I recently learned the object tag can do what I wished for in the 90s... work as an include tag:
See girl. Think 'why don't i ever talk to her?'. Recall because i don't want the 'and then'. Drop any intention for 'and then'. Talk to girl without intention. Get conversation
But it's also recalling 'only the craving flavor of intention would involve talking to her'. And you might say well drop that and talk to her from renunciation, kindness and non-delusion. But unless you're planning to liberate her you're just filling her break with bother. Or is this self-sab? play it by ear and literally meet the moment with no narrative.
no intention or intention to liberate? just with kindness that's not some specific buddhist kindness but like maybe there could be common ground and we could be pleasant for each other to see at the job instead of everyone always huff
see also: from hair thread: Sarah murray shaved head
because of the 'fuck it' feel i approche
she was offended when i said i didn't have intention. she was right too i think?
Note though: She hadn't seen me before. It wasn't like oh this is not who i know
Connection and genuineness, yourself properly seen, but only in the moment - i got this at the *backpackers* maybe i need to go back to something like that 13-jan-25
'This makes me wonder - are there other environments or contexts available to you that might foster similar dynamics? Not exactly like hostels, but places where people come together with similar qualities of openness and acceptance of impermanence? This could be anything from *meditation retreats* to community events to certain types of volunteer work.'
This is Culadasa
but still
Do I miss that fatty girl *Georgia* who was asking me questions. She was into me and even though i wasn't into her and that was stressful, it was like someone seeing me which nobody would now., maybe i'm missing that because I had it in this place which i'm still in the coles
'The Importance of Experience: Don't get too caught up in intellectual analysis. Pay attention to your direct experience. What brings you genuine joy, peace, and fulfillment? What leads to suffering and dissatisfaction? Let your experience be your guide.' - 1206
'Rather than trying to definitively answer whether your practice is "authentic" or "coping," perhaps the more useful question is: what serves your genuine wellbeing now? This might require honestly examining both your spiritual insights and your fears/patterns, holding the possibility that both are simultaneously present.'' - claude
'If you stop using it, you will start losing hair again.'
'Note: it may feel greasy or sticky for several hours.' every day (but it will just go under the hat)
i'd just do it for a few years till i've decided that women are boring again
Might as well start since i'll be wearing the hat during any interaction next two weeks certainly
' Insignificant cosmetic effect of Minoxidil causes discontinuity of treatment in majority of patients.[10]' but you might
'try not to touch it for about 20 minutes'
Getting to the skin: It's too short to part right now so either wait or shave it shorter. See what feels good this week/next
Sarah murray shaved head
because of the 'fuck it' feel i approche
she was offended when i said i didn't have intention. she was right too i think?
'I use an eyeshadow brush, as I find it somehow less messy'
a counter-view to there's nothing and nobody is even insde poeple: everyone isgoing through as much head wracking as you. some people even wrack their brain with the same questions
instigation: gab: 'i don't want to meet my self' or whaetever she said.
1) 'Caught up' people, in a panic, with time pressure, start fiddling with things that aren't what matters. Clear your head fully off the scale (its a scale not a binary, remember) of the activation/caught-upness that you've got this month. The 'panic' level 'quiescent+smidge' makes youu think its time to 'act' you need to 'do' something you don't, you must escape that trick.
Even if you think you want girls get your peaceful vibe back to attract them then by letting go
2) I didn't have any mindfullness for a while that's why i'm reaching out to eat something in the thanissaro sense. give it some mindful to feed on
concentration coherence kind
3) 'desire'. we had duty and peace and those were enough but now desire is here! craving seed has been allowed to grow into a colony
What happens if i save my ... for a week?
why am i serious at the job? its beyond professionalism its like i'm always struggling
disc world is making me laugh is it brining a lightness? the laughter i mean?
go see some live music
the star constellations are the obvjous example of a projectin of label onto data
life makes us and makes us do things that are good for life not for us
>One of the reasons outsiders are always trying to get America involved in fixing their problems is because just in physical terms, we have very little need for others for our basic survival, so they need to appeal to our sense of morality
This is supposed to be me, but right now I'm trying to feed off the world and others.
If i feel 'lonely' in that its all made by my mind, just focus on noticing how someone else (anyone else) is not doing what my mind is generating, because they are being lensed by my mind into 'a person' doing this or that, but there's still things going on that im not controlling, that aren't accessible or influencable by me right?
Actually, yes this but also - (your) mind is not self, so, you're always accompanied by a fully deep but disctinct, friendly funny mind.
"A healthy person can actually go two weeks without food without any real problems," Dr Schwartz said.
It's not bread that's the problem eating lunch it still was bonked with chips and bic
How about if I just fill my deep heart with actual metta for these girls and
hmm
6) Sakshi
go she's open to it
dont waste her time
like a cat? but, won't switch out of mode and just go back as easily
turn it all back into a rpg. a set of 'scenes'
why arne't i funny and impish anymore? what's being dronish got to do with peace. ajahn brahm etc. of course there's the fact i'm halfway to death and the funny line doens't come
cos that's from craving
Being deaf is a part of it. Can't be witty when you don't know what the person said. Too risky to being anything except flat affect. Risk of wrong sentiment.
dog diary:
saturday 11-jan 9pm to 1030 continually then till 1130 too
sunday 12-jan midday
monday starts 545pm
tuesday starts 7pm
wednesday 3:45
If entanglement is back on the table... [6-Jan-25]
Don't have a place just go to Pavillion hotel 120 dollars
Maybe a nicer car instead of a place at all?
Modern cars are all very uncool, you'd have to fix up the volvo (or a 2009 lexus)
LOL the cliche 'mid life crisis' flash car. You idiot.
Remember 'appetite for risk'?
Is my framework wrong? [6-Jan-25]
I have been operating with a framework that puts suffering as the heart of matters and approaches everything else in terms of whether it increases or decreases suffering but
actualyl i rejected man-woman stuff before i learned about meditation etc
If romantic satisfactin is more of a harm than good and to be avoided, then why is eating food or anything... because it all causes ripple effects.
remember its all not actually real its for your conscience and your mental grooves
Thanissaro etc have it that we feed on each other in a bad way, that what the interconnectedness actually is. But what about a pet cat who you just have around and they're happy and when they die that's fine too. Who was harmed?
Win-win relationships as below - the cat, what about Gab? Wasn't that? But I didn't cause that - it just happened. If you add in the causing, seeking and acting - you have to consider whether you caused an opportunity cost to the person.
Monks aim for 'total liberation' because they believe that that's a favor to the world which otherwise goes round and round, their getting out of the cycle is helping to gradually reduce the beings until there could be none trapped. But this is not the situation. So is liberation, without this, still worth pursuing over a sort of less emotionally attached normal life like any mature adult ends up living anyway?
Basically thanissaro says any entanglement is lose-lose but can it be win-win?
Is there loneliness? [09-Jan-25]
"When you take cocaine you think all of your ideas are brilliant and need to be shared." and coffee maybe. and when you don't you don't?
What do I want? [12-Jan-25]
Is my current plan driven by liberation or by aversion to potential suffering and if so is that the right path or not?